“How selfish! You are doing that again?”
And then the questioning and doubt rears its shadowed frame around you and you start to absorb others fear, almost believing it, yet so deeply desiring it to the point where there is frustration.
A chapter from a book? Or a chapter from your book, a personal journal that you have read and re-read again?
I liken this frustration to common thoughts we tend to have regarding worthiness and our self worth.
We tend to pre-empt that unless there is pain and sacrifice that our sense of worth is somehow lost or belittled if there is no struggle associated with it.
How do we feel when we are scraping time to quickly enjoy a pamper session or time with friends?
How do we feel when we have a secret agenda that is a continual life sentence for past scenarios? Does this give us permission to be undeserving of happiness or to allow happiness but only in limited amounts?
Is worthiness the sense that we can clearly see our daily or weekly checklist and proudly boast that it is done?
I find that a lot of us want to experience the peace, want to enjoy the serenity, want the calmness of balance and the continual happiness that accompanies this, but then become panicked and frightened and full of anxiousness when it does arrive, when it starts to form, when we finally allow ourselves to believe and the universal pattern of atoms that we call “empowerment” begin to form, and pulsate and breathe and live – We Panic. Because we are branded: Selfish.
We spin the mouse wheel in our life that just goes on and on and on and on in that mesmerising, hypnotic pattern. And just for good measure we add to the cyclic pattern the belief that we need to justify and validate time for ourselves, nurturing ourselves, taking a nap, going out. That there needs to be pre-requisites for our self enjoyment.
Perhaps we haven’t suffered enough, or there is hurt that we haven’t yet resolved?
We must embrace our individuality rather than try to conform ourselves into a rigid unrelated structure.
We put forth justifiable “obstacles” in our lives through our fears, the excuses and the blocks we allow others to create for us and through our fear of comparison.
Just like every other living presence, we will only flourish if we are supported and strengthened. This entwining network is our responsibility to maintain and ours alone. Living totally for you is not about bragging and impressing. It’s about encouragement, compliments, focusing on the things that you like and want regularly. If you do not make the time, or believe that you don’t have the time, then you are basically saying that you are not worth the time. Tell me then how are you to ever feel worthy? How are you ever to attract anyone else in your life if you feel that being in your company is of no worth?
Sustaining and maintaining you rself worth does feel good. It’s naturally meant to be that way, else there would be no positive vibe, no internal ecstasy when you dedicate self time and are fulfilled. It has nothing to do with selfishness. Simply expecting that you, as a wonderfully complex organism can thrive and flourish and also nurture others without feeding yourself constantly is ludicrous.
What do you enjoy?
What invigorates you?
What calms and soothes you?
Self worth and maintaining your self worth has absolutely nothing to do with conditions or circumstances. We often fall into that trap of believing that self time is graded and conditional. A condition or circumstance does not define oneself.
Conditions and our environment may be influential, however they are not permanent. They can and do change. Circumstances may have an effect however they are not the deciding factors in your life. You may have believed that environment; conditions, circumstances or situations can alter, determine or change your identity and therefore determine your self worth.
You are how you handle what happens. You are how you transition through all the things going around you.
So why not let release these excuses and instead harness the desire to grab onto Self?
I accepted that certain conditions in my life are like shoes, at some point they just don’t fit, they don’t suit, or the style has just changed and that is OK. And that every now and then I am worthy of a new pair.
