Yesterday evening was a waning full moon in Virgo, with the sun (of course) opposing my own sun sign while it spends this month in Pisces. It might have been unfortunate, but also obvious that this would be a night I would find myself entering the Temple of the Moon, where Isis, the Great Mother dwells. She draws me in as she must, for the darkness must always draw in the light. As usual, this trip is unexpected, at least as far as my agendas and plans are concerned. I usually like to prepare for my trips, but spontaneity can take the reins whether we like it or not.Some might say it was an unfortunate time to enter this Temple of Darkness, others serendipitous. Both are irrelevant, for here I was, surprisingly by choice, but here nonetheless. Being here always encourages one to face and address those things one has hidden in their own dark temples of the mind, and this is what was thrust upon me. Darkness does cooperate with its own kind, and so the pain began to coalesce within me. As the layers are peeled away, it is all there for me to see once again — yes, again. This is a pain I am well too familiar with, one I thought I had reconciled — but no….
Now it stands before me naked, stripped of all accoutrements, accessories and masks, naked before me as I am naked before it. There is nothing I can hide and nothing left to hide because everything I am is displayed openly before Goddess and the Universe.
One cannot begin to approach the deep truth and beauty of Isis unless they are purified. We must be pure of heart, thought, intention and desire. If we are not, and in this moment I am not, then she will help you rid yourself of the lies and the drivel we surround ourselves with. Isis has her own special way of doing this with the tenderness and ferocity of a lioness. Some might call it an exercise in tough-love, but I am a willing student — so my class begins.
Things begin with standard self-examination as the doors are opened and then slowly intensify with thrashings and spankings interspersed with water-breaks, so to speak, only to continue. This goes on until I go to bed, thinking only of sleep and rejuvenation. However, I remain in this Temple of the Goddess as I pass into my sleep and quickly deeper into REM state. I remain in this Temple throughout the night, facing pains and demons of my own creation that apparently were only swept under the rug in years gone by, sometimes repeatedly. I remain in this place until I awaken the next morning, where I am left exhausted, empty and desolate — simply cast away.
All these pains and thrashings of the night have cleansed me (for the time being), and as I stand to face the day completely disjointed, I begin to mimic waking life without any life left in me. I remain apart from my normal reality throughout this day without finding any consolation in knowing that it is only an empty cup that can be filled.
I say a silent prayer:
“I am emptied so that I can be filled — full beyond overflowing so that I might share, so that I might give of all that passes through me in abundance.
“I give not for myself, but give because it is simply in my nature. I am as a tree that gives of its fruit, and gives of its fullness.
“I give not because I want to give, but because I must. I make no plans to give, I do so only because I exist.