It’s a few days before Christmas and all through the shops
There’s children and tinsel and carols non-stop.

The car parks are flooded and people don’t care
If they pinch the spot you’ve waited 20 minutes for there.
It’s hot and it’s manic and horns are blaring galore,
And after the car park, inside … well, look out, there’s more!

The signs all say queue here, enter this way please
As if there’s a choice in the Christmas register squeeze?
It is here you will find interesting folk to admire,
And become shocked as their manners fade and their patience expires.

Behind the counters wait staff sick of ‘Ho, Ho, Ho-ing’ all day.
They’re sick of your children, their feet hurt and they want you to just go away.
No smile can they muster or Christmas Cheer can they bring,
How many more cards must they swipe for your toys and your bling?

Have you made your list and checked it twice?
Have your children been naughty or have they been nice?
For Santa will know when they sit on his knee
In that big scary chair where the photos aren’t free.

What happened to manners and thank you and waiting your turn?
Our children are listening and watching and from you they will learn
To perpetuate the pushing and shoving and I was first here
I wonder what St Nick would say if around you he was near?

Gone are the days when Christmas shopping was fun,
Now it’s impatience and jostling and stress all in one.
There are price checks and long lines of cards that don’t work.
Is it any wonder we’re frazzled and going bezerk?

Escalators are filled with shoppers loaded with stuff
To shop close to Christmas you’re either mad or you’re tough.
The shelves will be empty and the toys will be few
So heed this Christmas message I’m offering you.

There’s nothing quite like this special Holiday Cheer
That nobody seems to have year after year.
Department stores are decorated so ornately with flair
Why doesn’t anybody notice, pay attention or care?

And here, dear folks, a trip down memory lane we shall take
When Christmas meant more than spending for spending’s sake.
A time where saying Merry Christmas was heart-felt and true
And people didn’t have to be the first in the queue.

Christmas shopping was about giving and those that we love
And not I saw that toy first, it’s mine, here’s a shove.
We’d delight in the choirs singing carols so sweet
And we’d all have an ice-cream if we were good, as our treat.

Remember hearing Bing’s voice as we approached the big doors?
And how everyone joined in and sang White Christmas through the stores?
All were dreaming of a Christmas filled with love and with cheer
And how soon we would be with family and friends we hold dear.

A time where around twinkling green trees we all stood
Wishing upon the star on the top and hoping we’d been good.
Children’s eyes were all wide as decorations sparkled and glistened
And to the stories about Christmas they excitedly listened.

What a joy to walk along the aisles filled with gold and with red
As we waited to see the reindeer and Santa in his sled.
When it was our turn, on our list was just one special thing
Not the millions of gifts he’s now expected to bring.

And so, my good people, as this time does draw near
I am wishing you all the old kind of Christmas this year.
May your stockings be filled with happiness and glee
And may your hearts be the gift you place under your tree.

Read your children a story and go sing carols together
And allow the magic that is Christmas to bind you forever.
Let the love in your home bring a tear to the eye
And may your children believe they hear sleigh bells in the sky.

Now, go put away the plastic and shop only with love
Don’t fight over toys or in register lines shove.
When the machines all go down and the eftpos system does die
Remember it’s almost Christmas, let it go … promise you’ll try.

It’s important to have manners and your patience will be needed
I hope that the Spirit of Christmas you have now truly heeded?
And how shall I be doing Christmas this year you may ask?
Just how shall I manage this overwhelming annual task?

Well my friends … I’m doing it without any queues, stress or cuss
There’ll be no pushing, no grabbing; no I’m first and no fuss.
I’ll be able to pick up the exact things I need
Without being surrounded by rude people or greed.

I have this great secret about Christmas shopping that’s all mine,
Shhh! I’m doing it all … on-line